I haven’t done one of these for a while, so let’s bust into the ol’ backlog of tag posts that I accumulated at the tail of last year. This time around we’ve got a Sunshine award from Quietschisto who nominated me…after I nominated him. I have accepted this as the declaration of war that it was assuredly meant to be.
You probably know the drill by now, but I have a selection of questions to answer and then I’ll be tagging a couple of folks at the end of this post so they can do the same thing. It’s kind of like a chain email, but a little friendlier.
If you were a character in a fighting game, what would be your signature move?
As stupid as I know this is going to sound: a skull caving headbutt. Let me explain.
When I was a wee sprog and still couldn’t walk I had as much of a temper as I do now. I couldn’t yet speak and would apparently hit my head against the ground whenever I was frustrated. This caused great concern in mum. I’m the oldest so she thought she rolled a broken one, but later learned that all children do unique stupid shit. This carried on until I eventually smashed my head off some concrete and learned that perhaps smashing one’s head off stuff was a bad idea.
However, I’m now an adult and sometimes when I get really pissed off at work I lower my head a little too aggressively into my desk. My intention is never to smack my head off the desk, but shit happens sometimes. It’s fine though because there isn’t anything up there worth protecting.
If Samus Aran and Megaman switched places, who would fare better?
I choose to think of this in a literal sense as if the characters were real. Megaman copies the signature move of every foe he defeats and absorbs them. This would allow him to have a huge array of abilities from the different bosses he’ll encounter in the typical Metroid setting, which would dramatically improve his odds of survival.
Alternatively, Samus may or may not get any power-ups after defeating each Megaman boss and she has a habit of losing all her abilities every time she sets out on a new adventure. Worst case she starts off in a Megaman adventure with nothing and has to finish the adventure with only her blaster.
The blue bomber came out on-top in this swap.
If you could replace a limb/body part with a mechanical, but superior version of it, would you do it?
Yes. Easy. Knees.
My knees suck. I’d replace them in a heart beat. Yes I’d replace my knees over my already compromised lungs. That should clue you in to how crap my knees act on the regular. I just want to be able to sit crisscross applesauce indefinitely without my knees groaning in pain when I eventually stand up.
You get the chance to be a vital part of a mission exploring a new (possibly inhabited) planet. However, the mission takes 400 years (you are cryogenically frozen during space travel, so only one or two years pass for you and your body). Do you take part?
No. Are you fucking crazy?
I’m not going to sit here and say things are perfect. Every week that goes by people from around the world continue to prove that we can find new ways to be terrible to one another. That said, I understand the rules of this world. I know my place here and I know (generally) how people will respond to things which allows me to exist comfortably here. If I travelled four hundred years into the future with a group of unknown degenerates I have no way of knowing what kind of selfish shit they’ll pull as soon as we get out of cryo.
Always assume the worst and you’ll never be disappointed.
Describe the perfect crime. Wrong answers only.
Kill a man in front of a police officer and then blame the police officer for the crime. When he says he saw you do it insist you saw him do it. When he tries to arrest you shout that you are being molested.
How would a healing potion work in real life? Would it numb the pain, would it magically make wounds disappear, would it speed up the natural healing process? Or something different altogether?
It would numb the pain while causing you to hallucinate. As such, you wouldn’t actually be healed, but you’d convince yourself that you were healed until you injured yourself worse and eventually got yourself killed.
What if we all had Mana, but simply no spellcasting abilities? What would we use it for?
We (as a species) would probably find some way to turn it into power (electricity) or some kind of weapon. If the former then there would be stations where you could sit and have your mana drained for a period of time to receive payment, or it’d more likely become some kind of tax that you would have to “pay” regularly. Though I’m sure just like with taxes, a group of people would write the laws with loopholes that let them and all their shitty friends get out of participating.
This has unintentionally been a very politically charged correspondence.
You are playing a horror game (preferably with some gore, like Dead Space or Amnesia). Suddenly, a child walks in and asks what’s going on. Explain it to him, without frightening him. You can’t lie, though, or leave out anything important.
I am playing a video game where you cut the limbs off aliens. Would you like to have a go?
Trick question – a not unreasonable percentage of children would think that a horror game like Dead Space sounds cool. Just treat it the same as anything else and your being comfortable about the situation would help them to feel comfortable even if they were initially frightened by what they saw. You played yourself.
Pick a game and give me a list of “ingredients”, as if it was food. Don’t tell me what the game is, though, I want to guess.
- 2 cuts of fun
- 7 whole platforming
- 3 diced 3D
- 10 cups of hats
- 2 tbsp of existential dread
- A pinch of humour
A note: I wrote the majority of this post back in December and I could still figure out which game this was.
If you made a spaceship out of vegetables, which vegetables would you choose?
Tutorials suck. But there are some great ones, either because we don’t know them, they are integrated into the narrative, or they are just funny. Give me some examples of great tutorials!
The whole start to Hollow Knight acts as a great tutorial for teaching players how to play the game and what they can expect from the rest of the experience. Chances are if you dislike the first hour of that game then it won’t win you over so you can stop playing it then and there. I like how upfront it is about what kind of experience it is.
More recently I thought Superliminal did a pretty good job with its tutorial. The game introduces a handful of mechanics so quickly and releases control to the player. You’re then allowed to spend as much or as little time messing around with what you just learned moving on once you can demonstrate a basic understanding of the concept. It’s so seamless that you glide right through it without even registering that you’re playing the tutorial.
Victim nomination time. Here we go party people.
And for my questions:
- What’s something from before the end times that you miss doing during the on-going apocalypse?
- What’s a franchise (doesn’t matter what medium) that you’ve always wanted to get into, but haven’t been able to? (why)
- What game are you most looking forward to this year?
- Hit me, once again, with the thing you’re most proud of accomplishing during the end times.
- What matters more: the journey, or the destination?
- Pineapple, kiwi, pomegranate?
- What’s your favourite controller (or input device – anything goes really) for playing games?
- What’s that one thing you can’t stand eating for really silly reasons?
- Motivations change over time. Why do you still write for your blog?
- What’s your dream vacation (pretend end times never happened)?
- Be honest: do you read reviews before or after you buy games?
I realize that this kind of post died off at least a bit within the community do to lack of interest, so don’t feel bad if you were nominated and don’t want to respond to the question. Blogging is supposed to be fun.
As always thanks for reading and I’ll see you next time.